I guess none of us are getting any younger...but, sometimes I have to remind myself that I am not Wonder Woman. In any given day I do a lot of things, but it takes me longer to do things then it use to. My sense of time has been thrown off somewhat, I don't remember what day it is half the time and if I am really busy...I don't realize how fast the day goes by either. In some ways it is freeing...not having to worry about having to be somewhere at a particular time on a particular day. I don't worry about traffic, or what other people think of me either. I rarely wear makeup any more, I cut my hair shorter because the humidity here can be rather unforgiving...and I have very wavy hair. I did not realize how curly it would get until I stopped blow dying it every day and then sweat combined with drying naturally just makes me look like Shirley Temple some days.
I am discovering I don't like some of the changes taking place in my body, not the appearance of it or the feelings I get in certain parts. In July 2008, I had surgery for Ovarian Cancer...well, at the time they just thought I had Hemoragic Cysts...I was not feeling well for over a month and they kept doing tests and keeping an eye on things. I basically found someone who would take my ovaries out for me, I knew something was wrong and I was afraid. I was right to be afraid, my cancer was very early stage...so early that all they did was take out my ovaries and basically scraped my insides because I had endometriosis really bad. When I had twins they sewed my uterus up into my stomach muscles and it caused me a lot of pain for a number of years, I had it removed and a medically necessary tummy tuck performed when I was the ripe old age of 25. Any way it was the start of a medical series of tests and surgeries that lasted several years. When you are diagnosed with cancer, you tend to do what the doctor thinks is best. If I hurt somewhere, it triggered more tests. I had my Gall Bladder out prior to the surgery for my ovaries because of throwing up, and after the surgery for my ovaries I was having a lot of pain in my lower belly, I had a lot of tests done...Upper GI's, Lower GI's, Endoscopies, MRI's, Sonograms, Electrocardiograms, you name it, I probably had it. I was put on a lot of different drugs too...I am sure it was to help me...but, me being afraid I didn't argue about any of it...except when I was giving the choice to have the staging surgery...I didn't want to be filleted like a fish. I had a micro-invasion, that basically means that the cancer cells may have left my ovaries. They were going to cut me from under my arm to my pelvis and take out something like 32 lymph nodes to test for cancer. But my doctor gave me the choice after consulting with MD Anderson Cancer Center, they thought it was early enough that I could just be watched closely for the next five years.
Anyway, I had lots of procedures for a total of six years. My body seemed to start falling apart on me, in all the CT Scans and MRI's I had, it was discovered that I may have broken my hip in High School...I was in a car wreck and had to quit the swim team because of the pain...but I had ex rays and they didn't catch it. I found out I had arthritis and degenerative disk disease in my back from the MRIs, which triggered further tests, some injections in my spine and a stint in pain management boot camp...those MRIs and laying in that machine was very painful, and having to do it every three months did not help. I had a number of polyps removed that I was told are the kind that could also turn into cancer. Recently, I had a Mamogram...I had to have a second Mamogram because of an area of concern...since my Mom and her Sister both had Breast Cancer in the last few years...and I already had Ovarian Cancer, it was a little scary going for that second Mamogram. I am fine...it was just nerve wracking.
I gained a lot of weight from all the drugs I was put on, the back issues I was having and problems with my feet...I went to Pain Management Boot Camp and then ended up going to the Podiatrist after healing from my surgeries for Removal of my Gall Bladder and Cancer...and ended up having surgery on both feet. So I had 4 surgeries in about a year and a half maybe, not to mention all the tests I underwent. I did not heal well those last two surgeries, well even the surgery for the cancer I had healing issues and had to have my incision drained a few times and my belly button cauterized. I could not walk for about 4 weeks after my first foot surgery, I had something called Halus Rigidious (bone spur that keeps your joints from bending), a bunion and arthritis that had screwed up my bones. I had screws and wires put in my bones, bone grafts and bone cut away and repaired by grinding...you talk about painful...I would rather go through childbirth! Anyway, I had it done to both feet only about a month apart...and the first surgery was only about 3 months after the cancer surgery. It seemed like my body was failing me, I gained more weight from being sedentary for a long time...I could not walk, drive or stand up long for months. I slept with a million pillows, which helped with back pain and kept my legs and feet from swelling to horribly. My feet kept turning bright red and hurting for a long time, my Podiatrist did X-Rays and my bones in my feet looked like Swiss Cheese...I had something similar to Osteoporosis and had to go to Rehab and have therapy to help regenerate the bones...good times.
I don't usually talk about all this stuff, but I am feeling things stiffening up on me, I am getting additional bones spurs just below my knees that are rather pointy, I can feel my bones rubbing together in my back at night and can hear the grinding and popping. My hands do not grip well early in the day and I drop things sometimes, along with bone spurs on my thumbs. My hip bothers me a lot and when I get up and walk across the floor I can feel bones rubbing together in my feet. Funny thing is, the more I move and spend time outside the better I feel...provided I rest a lot. My feet hurt pretty badly at times, walking on the sandy soil does that to me...I have to wear pretty stiff shoes to support my feet well, but it is hard to find comfortable shoes with the right support. My feet have swollen so badly a few times that my husband had to cut a pair of boots off of me....that happens when I spend a lot of time on special projects. I found some work boots with a zipper down the outside at an unusual angle that helps to remove them when that happens now. I am talking about this, because I feel better now than when we lived in Dallas, I have lost 75 pounds in two years, gotten off the majority of the drugs they put me on and little by little certain things, like the major swelling in my hands and legs have gone away. I am not on any major pain killers any more, just Aleve when I need it...yes, there are long stretches that I take it...but, I hurt too bad when I skip taking it and actually can't sleep when I overdo it outside sometimes.
Anyway, I am mortal...I have not given up and I enjoy my life these days. Yes, I do talk about my chickens a lot, but they are keeping me moving and loosing the weight I needed to loose...I don't like how my skin kinda sags in spots, but I don't have to look in the mirror if I don't want to...and I don't wear shorts any more anyway. I can move better without the weight and even though after several days of bending and squatting and my knee hurting somewhat, after a couple of days of light duty...it is feeling better and I will get back to construction of a grow out pen. I have company coming too! Lol...I have a new grand daughter and Sara and Mark are bringing her out to see us before she goes back to work. Sara had to deliver Eleanor early by c-section so we were not able to get there in time for the birth, but we have had trouble with our only truck so, we have been sticking close to home anyway. I am excited to get to see her and hold her for the first time! It may be a bit before I write again, I have a lot to get done and it takes me twice as long as it use to...I am not getting any younger!
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